A Ray of Hope

Questions I have dreaded this day, since the last time one of my parents were given orders that sent them off to the war. This time, both of my parents were called to war. Now my brother, sister and I must move to Mississippi to live with my aunt and uncle. Our house is up for rent, and once again I have to leave my friends, family and what seems like my entire life. This, life, it all seems so unfair, not to mention dangerous; I could lose both of my parents in a split second. War it sucks!! I don’t fully remember Uncle Ramone or my Aunt Amber- Marie, I know we send them greeting cards every year around the holidays and we receive one but that’s about it, but I don’t remember the last time I saw them. All I really remember is that Uncle Ramone is Daddy’s brother and Tee Tee (Tee Tee Amber is short for Aunt Amber) Amber and Mama are sorority sisters and good friends back from college. In fact, Tee Tee Amber introduced Mama and Daddy -that’s how they met. I think Tee Tee Amber is a school teacher and Uncle Ramone is cardiologist. I sometimes hear her and mama on the phone laughing—giggling and whispering— like school girls. Mama always stops when she realizes that I have been listening or that I have walked into the room. The way daddy talks about Uncle Ramone, I would think they were close and that we would always go visit them, but I guess daddy being daddy and always busy off flying somewhere with the Air force, we don’t have time to see them. I remember daddy always talking about my grandfather and how dying from a heart attack is the reason Uncle Ramone became a heart doctor. I can’t help but wonder by listening to the way daddy talks of Uncle Ramone if they are actually close or not. Whenever Daddy talks about grandpa or Uncle Ramone he has this strange look on his face, from one angle he looks happy and proud of his brothers accomplishments, from another angle he looks sad and in pain because he misses his father. I never met my grandfather but my mama once told me his death deeply hurt both my Uncle and my daddy. Mama said, daddy went into the Air force to honor grandpa’s memory who served and retired as a captain. Uncle Ramone mama said, “Had to become a heart doctor” he could not live with the pain of grandpa’s death and not being able to do anything about it, she said, “he swore he would never let anyone he loved die from a heart attack again”. I’d always thought that it was both noble and beautiful that Uncle Ramone wanted to make a difference to help others. Last night at dinner Mama and Daddy made the announcement that they have two months before they get deployed for 15 months and until we move to Mississippi to live with Uncle Ramone and Tee Tee Amber. It was very quiet; my older Brother Eric, who is 17 just stared in disbelief and Jasmine Rose, is 7 and was not even old enough to remember the last time they were called to war. She was an infant and didn’t really understand what was going on. All she knows is that Mama and Daddy are leaving for their job. My grandmother Mae was there to help out the last time this happened but, now that she has transitioned we have no choice but to go with Uncle Ramone and Tee Tee Amber. They ask me and Eric to stay so they can talk to us and told Jaz to go get ready for school tomorrow. They tell us they need us to stay strong and keep in contact, write letters and look out for Jaz. “Eric,” Mom said with a trembling voice trying to hold back tears, “Eric I need you to now become the man of the house and look out for everyone. You have grown up so fast, and I need you to make sure everyone stays on task we will be able to Skype with you and write letters so be strong” she said with tears in her eyes. “And CeCe you are growing into this, beautiful young lady. Don’t ever lose that keep everyone respectable and both of you obey your uncle and auntie” Mom began to cry and tremble attempting to be strong. Dad was on the phone with the commander and found out that they will ship out the week school gets out which means we only have three weeks. It is now May 17th and Eric’s birthday was just last week on the 11th - that was the last one that Mom and Dad will celebrate with him for a while. Eric is now 17 and finishing his 11th grade year of high school. We always said that we wanted our parents to see our graduations, because we have friends whose parents haven’t seen theirs and they feel somewhat incomplete. I just didn’t see this happening for us. The saying “expect the unexpected” is definitely coming true. I go to my room and get ready for school and the track meet that afternoon. Randolph High school made it to the finals and I am really excited. Eric and I have a full day ahead of us and the track team is counting on us to be fully rested. I take my shower and I get in bed and just stare into space, my ideas just surround me into anxiousness. Every time they get called to war I get scared and nervous because there is never a guarantee that they are coming back. The last time they were called to war I was 11, Eric was 13 and Jaz was 2. And I was old enough to know how ugly wars could be because I remember one of my old friends lost her father to the war. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to them. Questions just start roaming through my mind. What about the cheer squad? What about the track team or basketball team, my church family, my youth group? I knew this was going to happen. Wow, joy and pain seem to be reoccurring themes in this family. Every time I get settled in and get into a routine this happens. All of the friends I have made and now I just have to up and leave everything behind. I really get tired of starting over and it gets annoying to have to constantly move around, this isn’t how things are supposed to be. I guess I will just have to cope because this always happens to military families. For once it would be nice to just settle down and not move. I have now become the pro at knowing the difference between sentimental things and junk. It’s hard to exhale and have fun because when I do I am afraid that I will have to leave it all behind. I am glad that I still have brother and sister. We are really close because we have been through a lot together. This time it will be 15 months that they are gone to war. I am just about to finish my freshman year at school and starting over is not what I had in mind. I check my phone to see a text from Bryan my boyfriend, “Goodnight beautiful” I reply back “G’nite<3” this="" brings="" up="" more="" questions;="" i="" tell="" myself="" that="" i="" will="" worry="" about="" it="" later.="" i="" really="" need="" some="" sleep.="" i="" just="" can’t="" help="" it.="" i="" go="" to="" grab="" my="" diary="" to="" write="" out="" my="" thoughts="" and="" feeling="" on="">