Lost on the PGA and European Tours

I didn’t think of much else as I was packing to move across the Pacific Ocean. I knew my interest in attending the Design School was fading, but it wasn’t until he met me in London that I knew I would rather live and travel with him than pursue my own interests. It wasn’t long until he shared that he would love that too. It was fast. I forgot about school, and we started living together.

Upon reflection, I now know this one single decision was the beginning of me creating a false refuge; I was merging into his life and caught in a trance that would eventually divide us. It wasn’t so much that not going to the Design School of London was wrong. It was more that I was counting on our love to be bigger than my own dreams and passions.

It would be many years before I learned my happiness could only be sustained by returning to the soft whispering of my true nature behind all the busy-ness in my world. As we journeyed together on the Tour, the simple joy of sitting in the aisles of a book store became more and more distant. Eventually, we were sitting on the verandas of some of the most prestigious and beautiful golf courses in the world. I found myself learning more than I ever expected and more than I imagined.

While he was following a rigorous regimen with his golf practice, I started returning to my familiar pattern of trying to do everything just right so he would love me. I didn’t know how to stop the cycle. Moment after moment my mind replayed every interaction with everyone, highlighting how I could have said or done this or that better and differently. Instead of generously being concerned about others, my focus was on striving to shine in my new role of being a professional golfer’s girlfriend.