Single and Hating It...Destined and Not Denied

Chapter 2
Canker Worms

“There’re many in here this morning who are hurting. Your thoughts are like troubled waters, tossing to and fro, the weight of your heart is sinking you into a sea of despair. You believe God doesn’t care about your pain…”

Zenia’s heart was racing as she listened keenly to every word coming out of the pastor’s spirit. She looked around for Liya, hoping she is in service hearing and receiving the message the Holy Spirit had for the congregation. She prayed that God would put fire under Liya’s feet to get her to church before service ended. She believed the Holy Spirit had specifically tailored the message for Liya. She, once again, turned her focus back onto the pastor, took out her notebook and documented everything he was saying to later share with Liya. He began ministering on broken-heartedness and having a crushed spirit, and the power of prayer and the importance of getting the Word of God in their spirit.

“People are making important life decisions here, please continue to pray, everyone. Come, don’t be embarrassed…take a bold step, daughter of Zion,” the pastor continued.
“Oh dear, look who Zion’s daughter is?”
Consumed with curiosity, she turned around to see who Mrs. Lehman is referring to as Zion’s daughter. She was in utter shock when she saw Liya walking up the aisle to the altar. Liya had just walked into the sanctuary when she heard the altar call. With her purse in hand, still wearing her sunglasses, she gracefully walked towards the altar. She blocked out every eye that was locked on her and began a dialogue with God underneath her breath as she continued to walk, for what seemed like an endless journey, towards the altar. “God, I’m here today walking up this aisle, on what I would have loved to have been my wedding day with my father next to me and my beloved eagerly awaiting me at the altar, but unfortunately it’s not my wedding day. And though to everyone in the sanctuary it seems that I’m walking alone towards the altar, I’m actually not alone…pain is walking with me, clinging to my heart as my life partner.”

After the pastor finished praying for all of the individuals who were standing by the altar, they each gradually returned to their seats. Liya sat in a vacant seat near the front. When service had finished Zenia casually moved to the empty seat next to Mrs. Lehman. She glanced over at Liya, who was speaking with the pastor; it was a window of opportunity to briefly speak with Mrs. Lehman in greater detail.
“Mrs. Lehman, what do you mean Liya was out in the rain crying? She doesn’t like the rain.”
“Well, it’s exactly as I said…Zion’s daughter was crying in the rain.”
Zenia’s thoughts were that of a raging wind, while attempting to understand what had happened to Liya, Mrs. Lehman’s ignorance of the Bible was not helping matters any. “Why did you leave her alone in that state of mind? That was quite insensitive of you, Mrs. Lehman.”
“My darling Zenia, I’ve been around long enough to know when someone is sitting in the rain crying it means only one thing…the heart has experienced severe devastation and dreams have been shattered into pieces where you feel as if your world has crumbled and you have no control…she was experiencing a heart-storm. In a situation like that, all you want is to be left alone and battle with God about the ‘whys’ and the ‘hows’, so I left her alone because it was her battle to sort out with God; her battle to come to terms with what had happened; and after she gained some sort of composure, she’ll seek solace in a sister-friend.”
...Zenia was too engrossed in the conversation to notice Liya standing next to her.
Liya muttered underneath her breath, “Please Lord, don’t leave me in this pain for too long…it hurts so much.” She then turned to Zenia; she was remorseful for not sharing the truth about Tyler and the negative impact it has had on her view on relationships in general. “So, you wanna go for coffee and chat?”
Zenia grabbed her belongings and nonchalantly walked ahead. “Yep, I would love to chat. I believe you have much to share with me…I’m all ears and heart!”

The noise in the café became hushed, even reverent. Nothing else mattered as Liya opened her heart and spoke. “Tyler is married and has a 1-year old daughter,” Liya replied impassively. Zenia’s entire body froze; rapidly blinking to confirm that she had heard correctly.

Zenia could not hold back her tears. “He hid it well from me as well, my friend. What a cankerworm…”

Pearls of Wisdom
Cankerworms
Not every man is a cankerworm. However, every man that you have been involved with, that has been granted access to enter into the chambers of your heart who has mutilated it, stripped it of life and love would be considered a cankerworm.

How to recognize a Canker? Cankerworms can form well focused but poorly resolved images. Similarly, Cankers are men with poor vision. They have not fully understood their purpose in life—regardless of the job position they hold—nor can they recognize or appreciate yours. They function by sight and wavering emotions, and not by faith and wisdom. It is unnatural for a woman to partner with a man that has little to no vision at all. Following a man without vision or poor vision at that, is like being led by a blind man through a dark alley. Men have been granted by God the responsibility of leading others in life, whether his spouse, children or those under his charge—not that a woman needs a man to lead her through life, but there are many who would prefer their men to assume responsibility for matters concerning their life together and/or their children, lead respectfully and be their protector.