Tomorrow
A Memoir of Love, Family, and Dealing with Dementia
by
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The purpose of this book is to share a true experience with a loved one who is suffering from dementia. There are many different avenues and circumstances one experiences during the course of this disease. This book offers only one set of circumstances that has been experienced starting with initial suspicion of a loved one’s abnormal behavior through the actual diagnosis and aftermath. The main focus is on the physical, medical, spiritual, legal, financial and administrative aspects as the Power of Attorney (POA) for the loved one suffering from dementia. The objective is to provide the actual conditions that existed with this loved one and how these conditions were addressed. This is the true and actual events that have been experienced. Hopefully, this will help others in dealing with similar situations.
Most of us go through life not thinking of ever being faced with sometimes an unbearable situation such as dementia of a loved one. Once faced with this condition as next of kin you are presented with medical, spiritual, financial, legal and humane situations that make you wonder how in the world did this happen. Based upon your love for this person you unknowingly will be able to withstand all of the hardships and disappointments that are presented to you.
One basic item that I feel many of us are guilty of is not informing our loved ones whether it is our children, siblings, relatives or close friends on our private matters. I realize that this is a very confidential part of our life, but having someone knowledgeable in matters dealing with financial accounts, a will, funeral arrangements, etc. simplifies matters when that time arrives when we become incapacitated or die. In the case of my sister no one knew much of her private affairs. We had to search stacks of disorganized papers, make phone calls to financial institutions, former employers, insurance companies and neighbors. All of these efforts were conducted and not knowing if our search was complete. In our case we had a State of Missouri representative prodding us with information and consequences, which forced us to act. Fortunately, my sister had probably more than average financial resources, which provided us the necessary legal and management assistance that we needed. I realize that many people faced with these situations won’t have similar finances to work with, which presents a monumental problem being forced to rely on government social work organizations, Medicaid, etc. But, on the other hand we have to be thankful that we have these organizations and programs available to help us.
Another important lesson that we learned was paying closer attention to abnormalities in the behavior of our loved ones and the need to address the abnormal behavior right away. In our case we didn’t. We knew, but ignored the first two signs and it took the State of Missouri representative to get involved on the third sign. I often wonder what would have happened to my sister if I hadn’t made that “hot line” call. It may not be easy to address a behavior abnormality with a loved one, but don’t ignore it. There should be some way to “diplomatically” approach the condition. In doing this it may prevent a catastrophe, and enable your loved one to obtain needed medical help sooner. I often think on how fortunate we were with my sister driving a car. She could have killed herself, or some innocent person(s). If this would have happened I would have felt at least partly responsible for not addressing the first observation of Edna.
I am very happy that we did what we did on my sisters behalf. After all said and done you really get a feeling of satisfaction in helping a loved one. I sincerely hope that our experience with my sister will help you in facing a similar situation.
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About the Book
Tomorrow: A Memoir of Love, Family, and Dealing with Dementia presents, as an open book, the recollections and insights of Andrew J. Rickert, whose sister, Edna, faced the affliction of dementia. Authorized by her power of attorney to serve as her agent, he searched for and found ways to balance his financial, legal, and administrative duties with his lifelong ties that bound the two together as sister and brother.
After providing a sketch of his family’s background and history, the author recounts a series of observations about events and encounters with Edna. The clear vision that comes only in hindsight enables him to point out the warning signs he missed in the moment. In the next group of chapters, he recounts the events that transpired in a series of five visits. Finally, an epilogue provides a summary and a sense of closure to the account.
Throughout the pages of Tomorrow: A Memoir of Love, Family, and Dealing with Dementia, the author blends together his own perceptions of his family history with the account of his work as his sister’s agent. This mix enables the reader to approach the book both as one man’s memoir and as a narrative that provides guidance to anyone who may face the duties of serving as a loved one’s agent.
About the Author
Andrew J. Rickert has made his way amid the tumult of his sister’s affliction with dementia. He decided to capture his experiences in writing and to share them with others who face similar circumstances in their own lives. He lives in Mechanicsville, Maryland.