From White Trash to White Coat

It was hard figuring out the appropriate balance between letting her have some autonomy while at the same time not letting her just give up when things got tough. I wanted her to have the freedom to imagine, experiment, and fail, like I had had, but with closer supervision and accountability.

As a child, I often walked a figurative tightrope and swung like a trapeze artist without a safety net. I wanted Delilah to "walk the tightrope" without fear, like I did, but I needed to give her a safety net in case she fell. The tricky part was not letting her necessarily see the net and rely on it. I strongly believe now that my successes and most enjoyable moments in life have happened when I wasn't living in fear. I also believe that most of my bad behaviors and decisions happened because no one was there with a safety net to catch me when I fell.

I wanted her to find that courage inside her heart, but I wasn't capable of completely looking the other way. Was I, as a parent, living in fear? Or was I being cautious and wise?

I realized this early on, when Delilah was learning to ride a bike. Luke was coddling her and trying to protect her from ever falling off the bike, but I argued with him that falling is inevitable, and she'd never learn to ride if didn't let go of her bike. He was living in fear, and I was not about to let her learn that stifling behavior.

I took over teaching her how to ride, and he went in the house, all pissed off. I gave her a pep talk, then reassured her that I wouldn't let go until I was sure she was ready. I ran up and down the street, probably ten times, holding her seat and yelling, "Look up! Keep pedaling!"

I finally let go, and she rode all the way to the corner, then ran into the curb and fell over. She cried for a minute, but then she said, "Hold me again!" all excited as she climbed back onto her bike.

She knew she could do it and that falling wasn't the end of the world. The joy of riding was worth the little fall.

Her dad ran out of the house. "Good job, sweetie. You did it!" he yelled to her.

"Yes, I did. I taught her to not live in fear," I replied to him with a smirk on my face.

"You're lucky she didn't ride right into the intersection," he snapped back.

"Oh, good Lord. Relax, Luke. You can't protect her from everything, every minute of the day. You're not doing her any favors by smothering her with your safety net."

That was one of many struggles Luke and I had while trying to raise Delilah. I believe that if you don't make them try when they are scared, or If you let them give up when things get tough, then they won't know how to accomplish things, follow through, or finish anything. They will never experience pride or come to know their self-worth. They will not become independent, productive members of society.