Pain, Failure, and Misery are the Stepping Stones to Success

Clinicians make mistakes when they only reinforce the pain that brought them into treatment. "If you leave, you will get arrested." For any of us to take control of our motivation, me must utilize those things that we have control over such as our dreams, vision, passion, and goals that can drive us. Instead of "pain as our greatest motivator," let's rephrase that statement into "dreams are my greatest motivator." Look at the success stories in recovery and we will all find a common denominator. Success in recovery demands that we identify a path, set goals, create a vision, and find a passion of something that means more to you than the drug itself.

What is the motivation that will last and is it something that we have control over? Motivating ourselves by moving towards good things in life is the answer to that question. People get clean because of what they don't want while people stay clean because of what they do want.

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."
Abraham Lincoln

This is the opportunity for you to write your book. If you had a blank white canvas, what would it look like. Success requires a direction to know where we are going and why we are doing it. It does not require you to have all the answers because things will change requiring us to alter that path.

In 2009 when I opened my outpatient office in Anaheim, I knew what I was going to accomplish. I didn't know exactly how I was going to do it, but I knew two things that were going to make it happen. I was committed and confident. This outpatient program was directed by a strong passion I had for alternative sentencing. I wanted to work with the criminal justice system and help give people an opportunity for good treatment rather than sending them back to prison. The problem that I faced was that I knew nobody in that arena and my record with the criminal justice system was severe. How was I going to gain access to individuals in custody to assess them and how would I gain access to the Judges to gain their confidence?

This complex scenario required creativity, problem solving, and courage to stand tall when I was rejected. That vision was a driving force that consumed me, day and night. I remember a counselor who told me, "all you need to do is to suit up and show up and put one foot in front of the other." I hated that saying but it clicked and finally made sense. I spent hours and days going from one courtroom to another, asking the bailiff if I could speak to the judge, and getting rejected about 70% of the time. I got rejected 70% of the time. "The glass is half full?" I met with about 30% of the judges. I requested clearance to visit inmates at the Orange County Jail and was rejected time after time. Failure after failure. Failure couldn't exist because I eventually got it. Perseverance, consistency, and never giving up gave me success. I continued going to the courthouses and meeting with private attorneys, public defenders, district attorneys, and more judges. We began receiving an average of 10 calls a day from the jails and fulfilling my goal of providing good quality care with the criminal justice system. A 6-time convicted felon was meeting with the district attorneys, private attorneys, and judges in their chambers discussing the release of inmates into my custody for treatment.
"No matter where you have been or what you have done, you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it." Will you have disappointment, rejection, and frustration? Yes. Will you struggle with doubts at times and worry that your efforts will be for not? Yes. Will you want to give up at times because things are not working out the way you expected them to? Probably. I think very big and have many things I am working on that have no solid steps in place to make them happen. I have the goal in place and the "problems" that I know I will face. I work very hard to practice what I teach and here is another one. I have no problems in life; I only have opportunities. Each opportunity that I have will offer me a lesson that will move me closer to achieving that goal.

I am no longer controlled by pain in my life but instead am motivated by my dreams, visions, and passions. This book that I have written has been a long-standing goal and began over 7 years ago. I was very unhappy with the original version and I restarted writing it this year in 2018. For every person that is reading this book and has struggled with alcohol and/or drug use, I may present a conflict that goes against your current lifestyle.

Goals that will truly mean something to you and if effort must be utilized, will require that you "defer immediate gratification for that goal." Every dream that you desire will rarely come quickly. The struggle with many is that you want everything right here and right now. Let's remove "I want it now" from our minds. I will tell you that "I want it when it is complete." In this new life that I live, I want everything that I work hard on to be the best that it can be. I am not looking for mediocrity or anything that "will do."