Anxious Eaters, Anxious Mealtimes

If you have picked up this book you probably know a child, or children who are anxious eaters.  These children are worried about eating, pretty “picky”, and eat a very narrow diet with very specific foods.  They may only eat one brand of macaroni and cheese and may like their waffles round.  They may like any food with a crunch, but no wet foods.  Their preferred cheese is a particular string cheese, but only white, not yellow!  They may like fast food nuggets from only one restaurant and they must be fresh and warm.  They may drink milk, but only from their special cup and apple juice from the green box.  Their yogurt may need to be one flavor, brand, color and must be eaten directly out of that container, not a bowl!  They may have no vegetables or fruits in sight.  Your attempts to introduce new foods, different foods, healthier foods, are met with resistance and maybe even tears.  There is lots of worry about foods!  Parents of these anxious eaters describe their children as well beyond typical “picky”.

Some children are anxious about ANY type of change at mealtimes.  They might become upset when their parent cuts their familiar toast into a different shape.  They may reject yogurt if it has been served in a bowl, and not out of the container.  Other anxious eaters are really worried about new foods.  Every anxious eater experiences their own specific kind of worry.  While worry can be seen as the common thread, different children worry about different aspects of eating and mealtimes.

Many of you have already read everything you could find.  You are looking for answers.  Many of the popular books, parent blogs, and headlines tell you to just relax, to bring your child back to the table and just offer the food your family is eating.  Just have that food around and he will eventually try it.  Just relax and take away the pressure.  And so many of you have tried all those things.  You have tried serving family meals, invited your child to the table, had nice mealtime conversation.  AND you tell us your child STILL does not try anything new.  You tell us if you did not remind, cajole, coerce, bribe, threaten or force your child to eat, he would only eat his favorite crackers.  And that it is BECAUSE you love your child and you worry about him that you remind, cajole, coerce, bribe, threaten, or force him to eat.  You are told not to pressure!  You tell us it is not fair for us to take away the only strategy you have without giving you a new plan, new ideas.  Eliminating pressure and having positive mealtimes together are good ideas and an important starting point, but maybe YOUR child needs more.  Maybe we need to look at the Big Picture differently for your child.

You may be a parent or you may be a professional.  This book is written for both of you.  I wanted parents and feeding therapists to have the same information.  As feeding partners, we all need to be on the same page, with a philosophy that can help us get to the common goal of helping children who are struggling to eat.  The challenge with inviting both parents and professionals to read this book is that it becomes an encyclopedia of ideas, too many for some and not enough for others.  I have tried to share a variety of ideas along a continuum of varying degrees of mealtime worry.  Some ideas work for some children and other ideas work for others.  I hope readers pick and choose what works for them and the children they love…

In my lifetime of feeding children, I have met parent after parent who is struggling with the worry, stress, guilt, anger and hopelessness of trying to feed their really anxious eater.  I would like to acknowledge right from the start that I understand this is hard work.  It is hard work for parents and hard work for children.  My bottom line belief is that parents are doing the best they can and children are doing the best they can.  Parents want to help their children eat and grow.  I believe that generally children want to eat and when they do not, cannot, will not eat, it is our grownup job to try to understand why.  What are they trying to communicate with us?   What are they telling us about how they feel, how their body works, why they are not enjoying meals?  Are we being responsive to their concerns?   It is my hope that in this book I can provide some clues about how the mealtime ended up with this worry and what might be done to get back to mealtime peace.