Real Life Conversations

Real Life Conversations: What Teenagers Want Parents to Know

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Over my twenty plus years of working with teenagers and their parents I have reflected on stories, jotted down notes, remembered key ideas, wrote down new insights, listened to thousands of teenagers, and observed the challenges countless parents faced raising teenagers. These interactions have taught me valuable lessons and have helped me parent my own teenagers more successfully. My experiences have called me to share key concepts about parenting teenagers with you. The culmination of those experiences is the book you hold in front of you. This book is not intended to be an all-inclusive parenting book on how to parent your teenager; instead, the book is written to be a reflective piece that brings awareness to what teenagers deal with and how the choices of parents impact them. While I share the heartfelt stories of teenagers and provide my commentary regarding their circumstances from the perspective of a school counselor, my commentary should be viewed as a response to the story and not as guidance on how to raise your personal teenager. After all, I don’t know your teenager and their personality like you do, and each teenager and circumstance is different. You will likely take away countless nuggets of truth that you can integrate as you raise your teenager, but also notice the profound impact on the life of a teenager when a parent is absent.

The pulling back of the curtain to reveal the challenges faced by teenagers and the choices of parents in the book is not about pointing the finger at flaws of the parents, but it is about being direct with the purpose of exposing parents to how they are viewed by their teenagers and to challenge them to make changes in their own lives to better their relationships with their teenagers. After all, it is this change on the part of parents that teenagers are asking for. Not one of us is perfect, nor do we all parent our teenagers in the same manner. If parenting teenagers was easy, no books would need to be written, no parenting classes would need to take place, and no parenting conferences would need to be held. Despite being parents of teenagers, we all have a breaking point, a short fuse, or simply the need to get away for some alone time. I have often told the students that I work with that they always should seek to learn from the choices of others, both good and bad. When this is done, teenagers gain wisdom and mature through the growing pains of others, without having to make the same mistakes themselves. Parenting is no different. The truth is, all teenagers are different and we are all learning as we parent our teenage children. The most is gained when we go through these years with our teenagers – together.

This book takes one significant turn from most other books about parenting. Many parenting books are focused around theories or some other type of research. Although they serve their purpose, too many of these parenting books focus solely on research and the psychology associated with parenting. These readings often become technical and cumbersome, which only results in the reader losing interest. Although I have included some elements of psychology to better understand the behavior of teenagers, this book takes a different approach to communicate its message. This book goes directly to the source, focusing on teenagers themselves, sharing their stories, thoughts, and opinions in an easy-to-read format so we can hear first-hand what teens are thinking, and what they both need and want from their parents. You will see how so many issues for teenagers overlap and are intertwined; thus you will notice similar themes coming to the forefront.

You will learn from countless teenagers and their life experiences that will hopefully reframe how you look at teenagers and more importantly how you look at and interact with your own teenagers. You will learn of teenagers like eighteen-year-old Devon who would be deemed by most parents to be the dream teenager to raise. He is the guy you would want your daughter to bring home. He was an outstanding athlete, smart, and responsible; but to everyone’s surprise word got out that his girlfriend had missed her period for several weeks. You’ll learn of pregnancy rumors and the demise of his relationship with his girlfriend and both sets of parents. There is also fifteen-year-old Justin who thought it was a great idea to buy his fourteen-year-old girlfriend lingerie to celebrate their two-month relationship. There is also Trevor who manages living with parents who yell at each other constantly and even talk about divorce, but stay together for the kids. You learn of Haley who simply wanted to be a teenager despite working to help overcome her parents’ financial difficulties. These stories and so many more like them allow parents to learn from the real experiences of teenagers.

Now, sit back and hear from fifty-eight teenagers who expose their inner-most thoughts and feelings. Engage with stories of family turmoil, divorce, feeling unloved, and how teens perceive their parents as they struggle with homework, the choices to have sex, use drugs or alcohol, and so much more. Listen to what teenagers need from their parents but are often too afraid to communicate. I assure you, you will find their comments thought provoking and eye opening…