“Higher-ish” Education

Scene: Several members of the science faculty have gathered in a small biology department seminar room to casually ruminate over current happenings at Marsh Hall University. They are sitting in comfortable leather chairs close enough so that paired chairs can share a small table. A carafe of wine surrounded by a set of Lenox Tuscany Classic Grand Bordeaux Stemware rests on serving table at one side of the room. Some faculty have a glass of wine within easy reach on tables by their chairs.

Ben: Say, did you see in the headlines of this morning’s local bird cage liner (holding up hometown newspaper, the Colliston Gazette) where our own Marsh Hall president took a 15% pay cut?

Sim: What brought that on?

Ben: Apparently something to do with the “corona” crisis.

Millie: The president’s taking a pay cut because there’s a Mexican beer crisis!?

Lars: Just looks like some kinda self-serving gesture to me.

Dave: Self-serving gesture? Don’t be a “bloody asshole”, Lars.

Millie (preoccupied, not clearly hearing Dave, looking to Ben): What did he say?

Ben (responding, with some delicacy, to Millie’s query): Ah…., Dave said something about his wife’s recipe for “broccoli casserole.”

Millie (unsure): Casserole? Oh.

Lars: Yeah, and the Provost took a 10% pay cut.

Ben: Sorta’ like a “corona-lite” cut?

Judy (addressing Lars in mildly reproving tone): Don’t you mean the SENIOR Vice-President of Academic Affairs AND Executive Director of Institutional Satellite Programs Delivery AND Provost?!

Lars (appropriately chastised): Well, I’m deeply sorry; it wasn’t my intent to diminish anyone marinating in their own self-importance.

Millie: And that “corona-lite” dig, Ben, sure sounded like something a “broccoli casserole” would say.

Ben (apologetically): I didn’t mean to belittle the “sacrifice.”

Judy: Apologies accepted, on behalf of the (…pause…), oh the hell with it; the “Provost.”

Ben: Deans and other senior administrators got caught up in this cost cutting too, with 10% cuts.

Millie: Well, that’s got to be some SERIOUS money. The president’s cut alone would be… (…tapping on phone calculator…); …., ah, lemme see…., $120 K!

Sim: Serious money? I’ll bet secretaries, custodial workers, and groundskeepers can tell you about “serious money.” They were furloughed one day a week for the next four months.

Millie: Don’t need a calculator for that; that’s a 20% pay cut!

Ben: Yeah, and THAT rank-‘n-file “serious money” doesn’t appear anywhere in the Gazette’s bird cage liner reporting.

Lars: You know, I’ve got a “prize” African grey parrot who won’t crap on anything but our very own hometown Colliston Gazette, and the New York Times. He won’t drop a thing on a Wall Street Journal spread.

Ben: Now there’s a bird with standards!