Elsimore’s Anxiety

Elsimore lives with her family (her mom, dad, and sisters). As far as families go, she is fairly lucky (although she won’t totally recognize this fact until she is 25 years old, and she won’t fully admit it out loud until she is 40). Her family loves her, and she loves them.
Her father is a bit busy at times for her liking. Her mother is around home to see too many things (like when Elsimore doesn’t feel like doing her homework, or when she feels like growling at the dog, or when she just happens to pick her nose and wipe it on the carpet). But they love her a lot and put up with her when she is goofy, and angry, and scared and all of those other emotions she seems to feel a lot of the time.
Elsimore being sandwiched between two sisters (‘the middle child‘) has its pluses and minuses. It often means that she feels not as ‘perfect’ as her older sister, and not as ‘loved‘ as her younger one. Or she feels not as privileged as the older one, and not as pampered as the younger one. She never seems to feel as smart as either of them. Mom seems to know that being in the middle is an important spot, and gives her attention just for being Elsimore, queen of the beautiful, freckled redheads, smart, clever, funny, and fun. Sometimes the attention feels like enough and sometimes it doesn’t.
Overall, Elsimore will generally admit that family life isn’t so bad. There are a few spats here, and a few battles there. Doors get slammed occasionally, mostly by Elsimore. Anger. Giggles. Yelling. Laughing. Funny family jokes. Generally, Elsimore’s family works to support each other, even when they might rather be doing something else. At the end of the day, it is definitely a family worth appreciating.
Elsimore goes to a great school, too. Or so she has been told by her mother. And told by her father. And told by her sisters. And told by the headmaster. And told by her teacher. And told by her grandparents. If her dog starts to tell her, she might just have to run from the room screaming! This year is her first year at Gilmore Academy, after moving there from another school just because mom thought it would be better.
Despite everyone thinking this school was so great, Elsimore vehemently disagreed. She did not want to change schools during her fourth-grade year and made it very clear that she was not happy with that decision! Very clear for Elsimore looks and sounds something like a cross between a hurricane, a tornado, and the loudest thunderstorm you’ve ever experienced. Oh, and don’t forget a pack of howling dogs, crossed with all the sirens on all the fire trucks on their way to a raging fire.
At first there were a lot of frightful mornings of crying and rebelling against going to class while Elsimore adjusted to going to her new school. She was absolutely convinced that she would be miserable for the rest of her life. But read to the end of the story and you’ll see that – contrary to her beliefs – she is likable, lovable and will make some great friends at her new school.
Elsimore is the perfect heroine for this story. She is a vivacious, creative, spunky young girl, prone to finding herself in horrendously challenging and frightening situations. She is cute, with fiery red hair and almost as many freckles on her face as there are stars in the sky. When she smiles, the room lights up with her energy. When she scowls, clouds move across the sun. When she’s angry, well…look out! Eye contact with Elsimore when she’s angry can almost make your skin burn. And when she’s scared the room vibrates! Think of the ripples that start in a pond when you throw a pebble into it and get bigger as they move away. Elsimore is the pebble in the pond of anxiety, and the ripples start right in her chest.
When we first meet Elsimore in this story, she is in the middle of some of the worst anxiety she has ever felt. She has made the commitment to accompany her class on a trip out of state. They are going by airplane (!) without parents (!!) for four days (!!!) and three nights (!!!!) and the trip is TOMORROW!

An older student had expressly told Elsimore that not only is it a trip she would be foolish to miss, that it would be an amazing experience, and if she misses it, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life. Another girl had gone on to say that the trip is “something you’ll never forget.” Elsimore sincerely believes that she has to go or she’ll be missing out on something so important that she won’t be able to forgive herself, and that if she stays behind she will have a hole within herself so large she will never be able to fill it.
Elsimore has therefore convinced herself that she should go, that it is important to go, and that she can’t miss this trip. However, she still hasn’t convinced herself that she truly wants to go and she is absolutely terrified. It is the night before the trip, and she is only now realizing that ‘PLAN A‘ has failed.
Plan A was Elsimore’s way of trying to overcome her fear. Basically, it was a way of avoiding having a real plan. It was really the same as saying ‘don’t study for the test but hope and pray that you do well and don’t fail!’ It is highly unlikely that we will pass a test we don’t prepare for, and Elsimore is just now figuring this out. Now that ‘PLAN A‘ has failed, the fear is overcoming her! She feels unprepared for the test, the test is tomorrow, and she feels she is doomed for failure.