Controlling Our Vulnerable Intimate Details

Knowing that there would be no physical contact, no warmth of a hug or kiss, but just the thought of seeing another loved one through this newly imposed glass barrier would have to be enough and it would have to be accepted. My wife's weakened voice called out to me, Mike she's here. I struggled just to pull myself together and out of bed from what was another night and morning of shear agony. I just wanted to see her smile and try to draw any semblance of my own inner strength that was coming from her kind words and gestures. Tears of gratitude and appreciation rolled down my face as she said, through our unfairly imposed glass barrier, be strong, we are all praying for you both. she turned to leave and I was quickly reminded of the grip the virus had on me as the day proved to be no better but in fact had worsened. My fever had now spiked to 104 degrees and it felt like I was mostly engulfed in a state of delirium. The relentless migraines and fever were now accompanied by extreme nausea and vomiting with dry heaves that produced some god awful stomach bile that was mixed with blood. My breathing was now more labored than ever and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I was left with no other choice but to go to the hospital. To this day, I don't know where my wife summoned her own personal strength from to get me dressed, together and somehow into the rear seat of our car to drive me to the emergency room. I only remember laying on my back and seeing vague, blurred images appearing through the rear window of our car, seeing random lights and hearing the broken sound of her voice trying to reach out to me and to keep me awake and from completely blacking out. The next thing that I can remember is my wife opening the rear door of the car, helping me to get out and onto my feet and saying to me that we had arrived at the hospital. She assisted me to the emergency room entrance where we were both screened prior to entry. We told them that we were both Covid positive and that my condition was rapidly deteriorating and that I was in need of immediate medical treatment. I was quickly taken through the security checkpoint, rushed into an emergency Covid treatment room, before I realized that I was now alone, seperated from the one that holds my heart and soul, and we never got to say goodbye to one another, hug one another, or tell one another that I love you. What I am only realizing now, is the profound impact of being in that moment, of losing hope and being in my most vulnerable state could somehow change the way that I have always percieved life to be.