Stop Letting Your Past Control You
A step-by-step guide to becoming who you want to be
by
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Stay the Course Remember that the journey toward your ideal self is ongoing and iterative. Embrace the process of self-discovery and growth, and be patient with yourself as you work towards aligning your actions with your vision of the person you aspire to become. As with any destination, it’s about the journey. As long as you are on the path, and stay on it, celebrate that you are staying the course. Realistically, we never get to our ideal self, but we should never stop working towards it. It’s just like dieting or exercising. We rarely get to where we want, but always feel better when we are doing the work. Sure, we’re often hungry when we’re dieting, but we have a better chance of getting results than if we stop. It’s important to note that Carl Rogers’ ideas have had a significant influence on counseling and psychotherapy. His client-centered therapy, also known as person-centered therapy, is based on the principles of empathy, unconditional positive regard, and congruence in the therapeutic relationship to help individuals explore and reconcile their real and ideal selves. We’re going to move away from Carl for several chapters and delve into some of the heavier issues many people face when growing up. We often need to look back in order to move forward. In the past, I didn’t subscribe to this idea. I felt the past is the past, and holding on to negative holds no value. Over time, I learned that it’s not realistic to just “let it go”. We have to actually do some work in order to get to that outcome. I often say, if we don’t deal with our past, it deals with us. The same can be said about feelings or issues. I wanted to start with the Rogers’ perspective to keep hope and direction before digging into some of the more negative issues. Don’t worry, though, we’ll come back to our ideal self after we help our inner child.
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About the Book
There are a number of books that focus on dealing with past issues. The common themes seem to be forgiveness and acceptance. While these messages are a necessary part of the process, they aren’t very practical. Forgiving someone is cathartic and often makes the forgiver feel better about themselves, but they can’t effectively use it to overcome the underlying issues. There is also a sense of an afflicter and a victim. Readers should not have to feel like victims because they’ve been hurt in the past. They should be able to see hurt as normal, but something that is given far too much power. Healing is possible and moving on is possible. This book will empower the reader right from the beginning. You will see what you have been avoiding for most of your life and that by picking up this book, you have chosen to be the one in power and control. By applying the exercises in the book, you will finally take control of your life’s direction. Conspicuously missing from other books are tangible skills one can walk away with. This book will have clinical exercises you can use to start improving your life immediately. There will be short-term and long-term goals that provide present as well as future benefits.
About the Author
Bill has been active in the mental health field since 1991. He initially worked at residential and psychiatric facilities for emotionally disturbed adolescents. During that time, he began working with adolescent offenders. In 1999, he received his MSW from Adelphi University and began his own consulting business named People Talk, Inc. Through consulting, Bill has taught for SUNY Stony Brook, Fordham University, Buffalo State, as well as helping rookies for the New York Giants, and thousands of students through bullying and sexual harassment workshops in schools. Bill has also taught for NY City ACS, specializing in Common Core, sexual abuse, and child protective investigations. He as also served as a first responder in local fire departments since 2000. Currently, he teaches on a consultant basis, is a media consultant, a NY State board member for professionals working to prevent sexual abuse, and works extensively as a forensic psychologist with law enforcement cases. For over thirty years, he has been committed to helping people address their issues and evolve into their ideal self. He is interviewed frequently by newspapers and news stations to discuss issues such as bullying, parenting, abuse, and violent crimes. Bill’s most important and rewarding role has been as a husband to his amazing and supportive wife, Christine, and father to his two incredible and talented sons, Logan and Dylan.