I Am Not Your Boy

"I Am Not Your Boy" is a self-help book that educates young adults on navigating relationships with older adults. It highlights the insights and life lessons that lead to informed personal choices, while addressing the dangers of being exploited, manipulated, and losing control over one's destiny. This guide confronts the stigma associated with age differences, provides ways to identify predator tendencies, and toxic "situationships," discusses hookup culture, explores the origins of certain kinks and fetishes. Additionally, it offers advice on how to extricate oneself from parental dependencies and find autonomy, empowering the reader to achieve control, authority, self-identity, and the means to forge stronger connections with themselves and others. "I Am Not Your Boy" equips you to build an authentic self, empowering you to step into the world with confidence, aware of what to avoid and what to pursue. At 32 years of age, Ronek Patel recounts his interactions with older adults. Over the course of several years of therapy sessions—he began at 19 when he was diagnosed with HIV, transmitted to him by an older person—and being the most junior member in nearly all professional settings, he has striven to be acknowledged at the same level as his elder colleagues. Ronek's distinctive journey serves as an inspiration to young adults, encouraging them to recognize signs of dominance and to position themselves assertively when engaging with those who might assert their superiority based on their age and presumed wisdom. At present, the subject at hand is not a common topic of mainstream conversations. Our society is grappling with a myriad of problems, and while it is not feasible to address every single one, there remains a significant oversight in the conversation concerning the use of the word 'boy' in romantic relationships. The term is recognized as having racist connotations due to its historical employment by slave owners to demean the males they enslaved. However, its pejorative connotations within the dynamic of relationships have not been widely acknowledged by society. While this book does not specifically address matters of race and ethnicity, it's important to note that the word 'boy' crops up in both realms. The term 'boy' may appear innocuous, but is imbued with a subtle undertone of belittlement that warrants careful consideration in its use throughout various forms of human interaction. In the delicate balance of relationships, its improper use can covertly, but decidedly, alter the distribution of power. Detached from the disgrace associated with racial disparagement, its commonplace employment within romantic contexts has escaped the critical examination it deserves. How can we, as a responsible society, overlook the use of this term, intended to diminish, as it is repurposed without contention, reducing adults to a lesser stature? In professional settings, referring to a woman as 'girl' is correctly met with allegations of sexism—so why doesn't the analogous act of referring to an adult man as 'boy' provoke a comparable uproar? In the gay community, 'boy' has become an ingrained part of the dialogue, yet its constant repetition does not incite the collective consciousness to recognize the widespread belittlement it conveys. When you're in the straight world, you hear 'boy' tossed around in a way that kinda pushes grown men back to their kid days, though it's not as common as it is with gay folks. Diving into these pages will, I hope, shed light on what one goes through when being stamped with the label 'boy' whether you are straight, gay, or bisexual, and how it nudges the course we take in life. We should not tolerate being relegated, demeaned, or sidelined by those who believe they can devalue us merely by using the term 'boy' without facing the acrid rebuke of their offense. This issue transcends mere emotional injury—it results in the erosion of our authority, our independence, and forces us back into a state of repressed juvenile silence. The word carries with it an odious implication of domination, stripping us of control over our futures, and yet, it manages to sneak past our defenses unchallenged. It is imperative that we put a stop to this folly and claim the respect that is rightfully ours. I am not a therapist, nor do I have life fully figured out. Much like you, I am a young man. The label 'boy' has frequently been ascribed to me, and societal norms dismiss its significance as inconsequential. My life journey has been accompanied by persistent adversity. At nineteen, I was diagnosed with HIV. As someone of Indian heritage, I have faced racism within the predominantly white culture of America. Additionally, our young people are often dismissed into this 'boy' category, depreciating our value and obstructing our recognition as equal members of society. My experiences have been varied, encompassing challenges you may resonate with or wish to avoid—including emotionally abusive relationships, unhealthy situationships, paternal disapproval, body image issues, and the burdensome expectations imposed by family, work, and the greater society. I wrote this book after witnessing and enduring the effects of generational behaviors on us young individuals. Such societal pressures can lead to substance misuse, mistrust, an inability to be vulnerable, and clinging to erroneous beliefs, all of which can impede the development of a strong sense of self and hinder the ability to forge strong relationships and connections with others. Though I acknowledge my own imperfections and continue to wade through the complexities of life, I have come to understand the importance of self-care for mental well-being. If we are unable to protect our own welfare, is it wise to allow others to dictate our life paths? This book aims to be a navigational tool through the rugged terrain of life, providing approaches to defend yourself and secure your future, helping you to cultivate only the strongest relationships and connections in your life while helping to promote a high self-worth.